like a kid magnified..

.. is what my mom sometimes says about me. or was it my sister? can't remember.. but ya, basically referring to my physical body being a magnified version of my younger self (i think they are trying to say i have baby face? not entirely sure).. i know they are mostly joking, but recently i feel that it is very true, not in the literal sense, but like a young mind transplanted to an adult body..

in a few months' time, i'll reach 21, a legally adult age, responsible for all my own actions, free to do my own things, and basically, by all definition (if not most definitions?), an adult. yet, seriously, i am not ready. i don't know why, but i don't want to act like an adult. perhaps i'm just afraid of shouldering responsibilities, or perhaps i never had much responsibilities to shoulder in the first place that when something so big comes along, i can't handle.

i still remember, back in sec school, life was very simple.. i go to school during the weekdays, and i get to play games during the weekends so long as i keep up with my work.. it's a sort of reinforcement for me, reward for studying, which then diminishes any actual internal incentives to study.. much like how i am now. chocolate chip cookies, milk and koko krunch, these are all indulgences i never felt able to satisfy fully when i was young.. maybe i just need to catch up on all the things i missed as a child, and i'll be ready to be an adult.