Banjir!

which means flood in english... and that was exactly what i faced just now... lol, it rained for like the whole afternoon today, and by evening, the whole neighbourhood was like under water! quite literally! i mean, even the drains are flooded, and those are not those small longkang by the road u know, it's like huge drain!! those big sewers kind... and the flood is so bad, it flooded the whole street! it's like, really bad! man, words cannot describe it at all! that's why u see i'm like repeating myself over and over again, lol... like the same point just keep saying... maybe it's cuz the fever made my brain haywire as well... anyway, to give a more concrete picture, it's like, the whole road is covered by muddy water, and that's because the huge sewer beside it (like those kind u see in NTU between Hall 8, 9 and Nanyang Heights those kind...) is totally flooded until street level! that's like 2meters at least! and that's like happening everywhere... all the streets are like affected... ok, not all... but the important ones are!! because my garden only has one small road for entrance and exit, and then it connects to this almighty-lead-to-everywhere crossroad... and that crossroad is flooded!! so basically a 3-lane road became 1-lane only, and all the cars are like moving like snails... like large snails... ah watever, basically very very slow larh... then come the really ermm... exciting? heart-stopping? moment... we went on the wrong side of the road!! goodness... really scary sia hahahah... seeing the cars coming straight at you is not fun at all... alot of times it feels like really going to crash liao hahaha... glad to be alive... but if my pop didn't do that, then we'd still be among the large snail line, moving lazily along the endless long road... pfft... either way, not fun... tho the faster method was more exciting i guess... man, but really, one day of rain and my neighbourhood became like that... can't imagine what would happen if it rains again tmr? =x

Sick..

fell sick... now permanently attached to a toilet or tissue box.... nose feels like a leaking hose or smth... eyes also pain, cannot concentrate... i know this feeling before... this kind of "sick" feeling... yea, there are other kind of "sick" feeling, but it seems like after i stop falling into those kind of "sick", i'll change to a different kind of "sick"... i suppose this is the bacteria mutation at play... in any case, i think that's how i felt last time when i was sick... dun rmb when was that but that's how it felt... and needless to say it doesn't feel good... haha, i drink so much water that even if not for my nose, i'd still be stuck in the toilet... i wonder if i am even wasting the water... man, if only there is smth that can like go into my body and just cool everything down... right now i can feel my stomach and chest overheating... i'm just trying to keep myself from burning by drinking water... phew... but maybe those herbal tea that my pa ma ask me to drink do help... now i dun feel my stomach heated, just bloated with water lol... pfft... just hope i dun start coughing blood, if not my pa ma may really take me to a clinic, then i'll have to start eating pills... have i ever mention that i hate eating pills? well yea, i hate eating pills. but yea, i have to eat pills when i fall sick, cuz my mom ask me to... so yea, i hate falling sick... of course i hate the part on falling sick, but i don't like the recovery process either... stupid pills... whoever invented pills is my worst enemy...

yea, i just thought i'd update this blog since it's been dusted for so long... then again, i doubt anyone actually reads it... so no matter i guess... i can just choose to update it when i feel like it... i dun actually feel like doing anything now hahah... not even updating this blog also... partly because nobody reads it la~~!! but it's a blog by a stupid teenager-turning-adult watever that's like ur average joe and all, so i guess it's understandable why nobody wanna read it la... right, so why am i updating it if i dun feel like it? because i wanna stay online but i have nothing to do online! hahahah... plain bored... i think i should buy a piano, or a camera... to like, self-entertain... make a kind of photo diary of my looooooong holiday... which i dunno how to make full use of... sigh... typing nonsense while waiting for reply... haha, i think my life is sad la... just finished drinking this jugful of ho yan hor herbal tea... then later still have to eat 3 pills of vitamin C? maybe i should ask my pharmacy friend whether there's any evidence with this vitamin C thingy...

mm? gosh, this sickness is confusing my brain... i cant even rmb things clearly or think things straight... i just took a walk for abit and tadah, i dunno wat i was saying... or maybe i wasn't saying anything that's why... hmm, now's holiday... ya, like the start of my holiday and i fell sick... sad case la... but nothing to do even if i'm not sick also... should i go work there? i may be able to gather support... but it's still rather problematic... cuz i'm lazy... lousy procrastinator... i even self-pity haha... man, how do i improve self-esteem? so much studying, and my life is still the same... just realize that if even one little thing had gone wrong in the past, i wouldn't be here typing all these things, but perhaps just another low-life living mediocre life... un-enlightened, or so they say... of the possibility ahead... the idea of going uni... i always took it for granted, but actually one small step and none of my siblings may be sent to uni... then i wouldn't be able to know alot of things, and see alot of stuff... haha... i always thought whether it's a right choice going to NTU to do psychology... but really, i guess to be able to meet her... it's like a second chance given by god... to right the mistake i made in NJC... or even longer before in the past... to be able to know her... god is pretty kind to me... and now it's up to me, a noobish, self-centered, unconfident nobody to make the move, and see what the future holds for me... yes, now is the time when i will lead my own destiny... i will decide my own fate... today, i stand tall... free from any shackles of disbelief and fear... i will try, before the chance is lost to me again, perhaps forever... i shall not say, "i can't do it", but "i will try"... yes, i shall... this i promise myself. hopefully i will not break my oath... hehe, this feels like a new year revolution that's like 5 months late... oh well... why do i need to wait for new year to make a revolution non? ahh... now for my toilet trip (the 7th time since i started typing this)...

6000/4=1500

why 6000? because that's the amount of words for FYP. then why 1500? because that's the amount of words for 50% of a 3AU-course. Crap. For 8AUs and 1 whole year, they only need to write 6000 words, but for one sem and 1.5AUs, they want me to write 1500 words!? That's just so not proportional.

and the worst part is? i haven't started a single word. 0 down, 1500 to go. Man, am i doomed, or am i doomed? i think this is the SU-effect, the result of me being affirmed that the course can no longer do me any harm, and therefore i slack off with it. however, no matter what, it just still doesn't make sense... yes, the course is screwed up, but if i'm screwed, so would others right? afterall, the test system is on a bell-curve, so as long as i'm less screwed than the other, i'm fine! the only problem is how do i know where am i on the curve, and the fact is i won't know, because for the course, there is only a final exam and this long essay! oh, if you are wondering what course is this, it's kinda like a philosophy course revolving on one phrase: art as a representation of life. with that, we start to look upon various forms of art, to actual paintings, to movies, or stage performances and what not... sigh, i think my main concern now is whether or not to SU this course... and the main reason why i'm wondering, i believe, is because of this other 3AU-course that is equally screwed up, but one i feel others may not be as screwed up as me. decisions, decisions, decisions... sometimes i wonder, what made me took this course? i never thought the university actually offers courses on philosophy... *gasp* OMG!! watever just happened!? is that right, is that right?? LOL, facebook is really an amazing place... i just found out that my sister is engaged! LOL!! that was sudden!! at the same time, hall is very sucky place, every now and then, it kicks me out of facebook, it kicks me out of msn, sigh...

oh right, i think i wanted to write a bunch of craps here as a start for my 1500 words essay... kinda like searching for ideas and stuff... i'm currently supporting this notion that your life is really only 10% yours. Basically, at birth, you have already been determined to be a male or a female, given certain predispositions to be of a certain kind of person, such as being talented in this and not that, or just naturally taller or shorter... more possible to be obese, inheriting various genetic diseases... before you even know who you are, you are already made to be somebody, whether you like it or not. being born into a poor family, or as heir of royalty, life is different no wonder you like it or not. A poor man can never become a royalty, nor can a royalty live like a poor man. Such things are not changeable by effort, or in other words, beyond our control. isn't it interesting that most people from any race or region has religion? or that the word "fate" exists in various languages? Such is the proof that people are not free to be what they want to be in their life. Many would argue that my points are certainly valid, but are too extreme an example to be applied to the general public. Are there not many examples of great men rising from harsh conditions? Such examples of course show that it is possible to change our lives, but it also show just how rare this happens. Indeed, i did not say that we are totally not in control of our lives, but rather, we control only 10% of what we think, say or act. Yes, even the things you think may not be what you want to think, or rather what you think you want to think. To put it simply, I will illustrate this to you. First, think of the future job that you want to be. How do you know if that is what you really want? Are you sure you are not just acting according to what your parents told you to? if you are actually defying your parents, how do you know you are defying because you want to? This can go on, but i believe you get my point. The thing is, the person we believe we are, the choices we believe we made, sometimes are really just a delusion we give ourselves to make us feel in control. Explicitly, alot of people will say that they have done something because of a bunch of reasons other than out of their will, but even if the minority who said that they have acted out of their own free will, subconsciously, the world has already shaped their "free will". This concept is heavily explored in the movie "The Matrix". In the movie, we see Neo being tied to his fate, no matter how hard he tries. It would seem that he is acting out of his own choice, but if that is the case, then how is it that the Oracle can predict what would happen? Throughout the trilogy, the idea of choice is explored recurrently, such as when Neo was offered candy by the Oracle, he asked if he still has a choice of taking the candy or not if she has already know whether or not he is going to take it. The reply was, we are not here to make a choice, we have already made our choice, what is left is to understand it. From my point of view, what it is saying is that we have no choice, because whatever choices we made, we made it because... you know what, i think i shall stop here. lol, getting abit long...